Why men are never depressed !!!

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.  Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.  People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. ! Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier. Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it

- KP

Computer Diagnosis-LOL

One day, Pete complained to his friend,"My elbow
really hurts. I guess I should
see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at
the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and
cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your
urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and
tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a
jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store.

Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and
deposited the $10.00. The computer started making
some noise and various lights started flashing.

After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper,
which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in
warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in
two weeks.

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new
technology was and how it would change medical
science forever, he began to wonder if this could be fooled.

He decided to give it a try.
He mixed together some tap water,
a stool sample from his dog,
and urine samples from his wife and daughter.
To top it off, he masturrbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the
computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The machine again made the usual noises, flashed
lights, and printed out the following analysis:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal
shampoo.

3. Your daughter is gettin' screwwed by three guys at
the same time and having urinary infection. Put her
on antibiotic and keep a track of her outings.

4. Your wife is pregnnant . . . twin girls. They
aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. And basstard,....... if you don't stop jerking
off, your elbow will never get better !!!!!!